So, I'm still kind of in mourning over missing out on doing the KC marathon this year. It was over a week ago and it's still in the back of my mind nagging at me. Normally, it wouldn't be as huge of a deal, but I've come to realize that although there were many factors that contributed to me not completing the training, there was one circumstance that really blew the whole thing for me. It pretty much kept me from focusing on everything else in my life, including running. Honestly, I'm still kind of pissed about this circumstance, although it was nobody's fault. I guess that really means that I'm just pissed at the circumstance itself.
Missing the marathon impacted me in a number of ways. It meant that I failed to complete what I started. I missed out on running with a best friend; going on a journey that I may not get another opportunity to go on. I jeopardized my identity as a runner; at least in my own mind. I question whether I should ever train toward a specific goal again and that feels pretty crappy. etc. etc.
So, here I am, mourning and regretting and wondering if I should even set a future running goal. Wondering what the point is when I may just be derailed again by another "circumstance". I'm still running, but it's just me going out when I feel like it or when I feel like I need it. Maybe that's the way I should keep it. Maybe I should keep it just for myself. Just running for meditation which is the primary reason I do it anyway. I'm just not sure. My outlook in regard to this seems to change daily. One day at a time I suppose.
